Saturday, December 29, 2007

Well? What do you think?

On a recent visit for an eye check up...umm..back in October..I was told I would need glasses to help get me through the work day. And according to the little man working behind the counter, I was informed that rectangular glasses would compliment my round head. Round head?!!?! What? Really??! Round? Eh..whatcha gonna do? I was born with it..and it's not only's big. God bless my poor mother. So anyway, here are my new glasses. Not too shabby. Right?

Friday, December 28, 2007

Current score: Max - 1, Me - 0

Meet Max the hairless cat, or Mrs. B as I've been calling her. Mrs. B is short for Mrs. Bigglesworth, which comes from the Austin Powers know..Dr Evil had a hairless cat named Mr. Bigglesworth....yeah, I'm pretty clever. And to be honest she's not really hairless. She has hair. Just really really short hairs. So it's more of an illusion of being hairless. She sort of looks like an old matted down shower rug..only with legs and whiskers.

Max belongs to my friend Mariel who is in Philadelphia for the holidays and she has asked me to take care of Max while she was gone. So for the past few days me and Max have been hanging out together having a great time together. My only real responsibility with Max other than entertaining her was to feed her 1/4 can of wet cat food in the morning and a 1/4 can at night, fill her water dish, make sure she had plenty of dry cat food for her to pick at throughout the day and keep the litter box free of ummm...debris. All was good until yesterday. Yesterday I got back a little later than I had planned and didn't get a chance to feed Max her evening 1/4 can of wet food. Which meant Max would be getting her dinner from the big pile of dry cat food, and well, that must have pissed her off and she was about to let me know how pissed she was.

So I walked into the house, opened up the fridge to enjoy some left over General Tso's Chicken (which belonged to my friend Shawn. Sorry Shawn) and started digging in. I was about four or five bites into my food when Max marched into the kitchen, parked herself right up to the empty dish where the wet cat food usually goes into. She stared at it then looked up at me and then turned her attention back to the plate. Knowing that she now had my undivided attention, she then started this heaving thing and as I stood there with General Tso's on my fork, she began to empty the entire contents of her stomach (which happened to be full of dry cat food) right onto her dish and then she walked away like nothing happened. I didn't know what to say. I just stood there. She was basically saying "FUCK YOU, DUDE...FUCK YOU AND YOUR DRY CAT FOOD". I was so horrified about what just happened that I crawled into bed and went to sleep. I may have even cried a little bit.

Wow, what a spiteful little kitty.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

The end is here!

In my 38 years of living, this has never happened. I have never ever made it to the end of a lip balm tube....until now! Look at the photo. The tube is empty. I've either lost them before making it to the end or I let someone borrow it and decided to let them keep it because their lips were either gross or they were bleeding.

I really don't know why I let them borrow it in the first place.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Ranch disgust me.

Does anyone out there have any idea how many signatures are needed to rid the world of Ranch dressing? I would think it would take a few a thousand....mmmmm maybe more.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Writers Guild of America..Save us from Michael Bolton!

Well it seems that we are starting to see signs of the writer’s strike effecting our regular tv programming. Has anyone else other than me noticed all the tv ads for the upcoming lineup of reality tv shows? It’s a lot of reality shows. One ad I saw was for a new show featuring Michael Bolton. Seriously? Michael Bolton? There must be a better solution out there other than more reality shows. Why can’t the networks dig into the archives and bring back old tv shows from the 70’s and 80’s. How about bringing back shows like The Incredible Hulk. I loved that show. Or CHiPS...another great show. Anything is better than reality shows. I live in reality. Why would I want to watch someone else's reality? My point is we need our Hollywood writers to get back to work so I can watch new episodes of The Office and other nightly tv programming.....

On second thought maybe Michael Bolton won't be so bad.

Okay, but if have to do a reality show how is this for an idea. How about doing a reality show on the writers strike itself. The show can follow the strike as they attempt to work towards a solution that both sides can agree on. We can talk to the writers, the actors, the networks and everyone else this strike effects…you know, get all sides of the story. Maybe the show could sit in on the negotiations. We can even get the viewers involved. They can call in every week and come up with ideas to help both sides come up with a solution. I think that would be one heck of a show. I’d watch. I would even call in myself and participate. Possibly more times than when I did when I called in to vote for Kelly Clarkson on American Idol.

Or they could bring back The Incredible Hulk.

In case anyone is interested, I ate like a big fat pig on Thanksgiving. Oh yeah. A big fat pig.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Deep fried turkey

Deep fried turkey. The thought of those three words together makes my mouth salivate like Pavlov's dog....which is weird because I've never actually had turkey cooked this way...but the thought of it sounds good. I mean, I like turkey and I like things deep fried...soooo how can the two things combined be bad? The only real danger is cooking the damn thing. Which brings me to the point of todays post. With Thanksgiving around the corner I'm sure many of you will either entertain the thought of a deep fried turkey or actually do it. So if you are planning on actually doing this, I found this handy thing on the web that should help eliminate the dangers of a delicious deep fried turkey cooked to a crispy golden brown without all the hassles of calling 911. Sure, you're gonna have to buy some stuff at your local hardware store but look at all the fun you'll have putting it all together. Plus it's a lot more fun than sitting in the ER or sitting on the curb watching your home burn down. The device I'm talking about is a turkey derrick. What is a turkey derrick? Well according to Wikipedia, a derrick is a lifting device composed of one mast or pole which is hinged freely at the bottom. It is controlled by (usually 4) lines powered by some such means as man/woman-hauling or motors, so that the pole can move in all 4 directions. A line runs up it and over its top with a hook on the end, like with a crane. It is commonly used in docks and onboard ships. Some large derricks are mounted on dedicated vessels, and are often known as "floating derricks". Make one specially for the turkey..and woola! You got yourself a turkey derrick. Just click here for the info. Or you could do what I did last year which was buy some frozen pizzas and rent a crap load of DVD's. Enjoy.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Make that gas of yours last.


Here are some tips for all of you to help stretch out your gas mileage.

1. Unload all the shit that's been collecting in your trunk like those golf clubs you bought 2 summers ago and never used. The extra weight burns up fuel.
2. If you are driving on the highways go 60 MPH and use your cruise control. No more 80 in a 65 zone.
3. Get an oil change and a tune up.
4. Make sure your tires are at the recommended PSI. Don't go by what it says on the tire. Open your driver side door and look for a sticker with a bunch information on it. This sticker will have the recommended PSI. While your down there you can clean out all the old french fries that dropped to the floor.
5. Don't be one of those dicks that thinks they have to use something other than regular unleaded. Regular unleaded is fine.
6. Use public transportation..duh.

There are a bunch of other things you can do and I'd list em here but then I'd just come across as sounding preachy. Lord knows that nobody likes it when people sounds preachy. Ahhhh...get it? Preachy? Lord knows?...nevermind.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Laundry Time

What the hell?!?! I found this at the dollar store when I was looking for dental floss. It's a cheap knock off version of Tide detergent. This stuff was called Time in "Laundry Time" and it left your clothes smelling not "April fresh" but "July fresh".

When I asked the guy behind the counter if they had dental floss he said yes and then walked me over to the sponges and handed me a sponge. Maybe he misunderstood me. So to spare him the embarrassment, I bought the sponge...and a bottle of "Laundry Time". I like the idea of my clothes being July fresh.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Mustache update

Many of you will be happy to know that I gave up. I let it go for almost three weeks and it just looked pathetic. Really really pathetic. It actually looked like dirt over my lips. Except it was little tiny hairs spread out sporadically over my upper lip.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

My very first mustache

Yes. I'm growing a mustache. It doesn't look like much now but you just wait. Right now I've got two weeks of growth going (see photo above). Just imagine what another two weeks is gonna look like.

Monday, October 29, 2007

My dentist is awesome

Check out the selection of magazines my dentist offers in his waiting room. Nice.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Shit storm..i mean Shrimp storm

It's a photo of a woman happy as a pig in shit because it's raining shrimp. Kinda weird.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Happy Columbus Day

Can you believe the stop delivering mail for this?!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Eeeeeeeeeeeeerrrt! CRASH!!!!!

My friend said I looked like a wreck and then asked if it was okay that she be honest with me. Well it's too late to ask me now! I mean, you already said it. Sadly, she's right. Maybe it's the pre-teen mustache thing I got going.

Monday, August 20, 2007

You can't have a funeral without F-U-N.

I recently attended a funeral for a very close family member. Someone who I loved very much and that I will miss greatly. She was a wonderful person to me and I will never forgot that. So as you would think, her funeral was very sad. It's hard to say goodbye to someone you never had a chance to say goodbye to. But at the same time her funeral was spent talking and reminiscing about her. So there was also a lot of laughter. Her funeral reflected how she was. How she lived her life and how she effected all of us. We all were able to get up and tell our favorite stories about her and in between the different stories, we listened to music that was special to her. It was fun. We celebrated her life, not her death. So as I sat through her eulogy I started thinking about my own funeral. How would it be? What sort of stuff would be said? What kind of music would be played? Would there be a slideshow of embarrassing photos? What about the food? Surely there would be food served, but what kind of food? Yes. All good questions. After all, this is your last send off. This is your last chance to make a statement (sort of).

I continued thinking about all of this throughout her funeral. I really didn't want someone other than me putting the details of my funeral together. I mean there were things I wanted to say to my wife, my daughter and my familly and friends. I couldn't just die and not have those things said. So as I sat there at the after-funeral family get-together, drink in one hand and a plate of absolutly delicious meatballs in the other (it's my cousins recipe and she uses three different types of meat). I decided that I wanted to plan my own funeral. So for the last few days I've been writing out a plan. And you may think it's a little strange but is it really? I don't think so. I won't spoil the surprise by giving you details of my funeral but I will tell you that it'll be a good time. But as a teaser I'll share the funeral soundtrack with you. The songs are not in the order in which they will appear during my funeral. They are just listed here for the sake of listing. When I figure out how to do it, I'll make a mixed tape for all of you to download. You know, so you can stage your own "practice" funeral at home. Oh, and I'll definitely make sure they serve those meatballs. They were that good.

And for all of you Stuffy Stuffersons out there that think this is disrespectful to my recently passed family member. I can guarantee that she would have loved the idea of a planned funeral....AND meatballs....she loved meatballs.

Aimee Mann - Satellite
The Arcade Fire-Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)
Wilco- ELT
The Ramones - She's The One
The Thrills - Just Travelling Through
Foo Fighters - Everlong
Norah Jones - Shoot The Moon
Beulah - Emma Blowgun's Last Stand
The Cure - In Between Days
Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule The World
New Order - Age of Consent
Polvo - In This Life
Bright Eyes - First Day Of My Life
The Magnetic Fields - The Book Of Love
Loudon Wainwright III - Daughter
Pavement - Gangsters & Pranksters
The Eagles - Take It To The Limit

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Doctor for the day - Warning - Graphic photos! Ick.

This is the first aid kit I bought 10 months ago that I'd think I'd never get to use.

This is what happens when my friend Amanda skateboards down a hill and hits a bump.

This is a close up of Amandas hand. Yes, that's her skin all bunched up at the end.

Look at all that stuff! Is there a doctor in the house? Why yes, that would be me.

Not too bad for a guy whose only medical experience comes from watching hours of M*A*S*H re-runs.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Maine - Vacationland!

Good lord, I look like shit. I mean, you can't really tell how bad I look from that photo but from the other photos where the lighting is better...I look really shitty. Like I just came out of the ass-end of an elephant.

I went to Ogunquit, Maine on Sunday for the day to sort of clear my head. I didn't have anything planned. I just drove up, parked my car, put my feet in the ocean water and then sat on the beach for a couple of hours and then drove back to New York. Which sounds pretty stupid but I just needed to not be in Saratoga Springs. Plus I really wanted to put my feet in the ocean. There's something about putting your feet in the ocean that makes you feel energized. At least I think so. Yeah, sounds stupid, I know.

But the trip was good for my own state of mind. I did a lot of thinking, which is always good and I found a road side farmers market that had the best peaches. And in case you don't believe me, here's proof that I did indeed put my feet in the ocean. Jesus, my feet do look like bread loafs.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Birthday weekend for my daughter!

Today is my daughters very first birthday. Happy FIRST Birthday Gwen!!!!

Monday, August 06, 2007

Sandwich killer

Nothing kills the joy of a delicious sandwich more than Miracle Whip. Nothing. Okay there are a few other things I could think of that would ruin a watching a Stephen Sagal movie while eating your sandwich...or Blue Man Group. But Miracle Whip is definitely a close third.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Dude, I invented the friggin iPhone. Have you heard of it?

Well it finally happened. My little slice of internet fun known as Fake Steve Jobs, has been ruined by a guy named Brad Stone. I don't know much about Brad except he use to write for Newsweek but I guess he's now some ass munch reporter from the New York Times. What the fuck man. Can't you let the world have a little fun? I mean, whatever dude. You suck. But Fake Steve Jobs seems to be handling it okay. And even though FSJ has been outed, I still won't put his real name here. Because in my mind he's still that smarmy fun loving tech guru who's personal quote is "I love beautiful objects. I love creating them. Negative people upset me". God bless you Fake Steve Jobs. So Brad Stone from the New York Times, I hope you get a horrible case of crabs. You and Steve Bartman.

While we're at it......

* Vader is Luke's dad -- The Empire Strikes Back
* Rosebud was his sled -- Citizen Kane
* She's her sister and her daughter -- Chinatown
* Norman is the killer (in drag) -- Psycho
* Verbal is Keyser Sze -- The Usual Suspects
* Doc is dead -- The Sixth Sense
* Earth, in the future -- Planet of the Apes
* Dog gets put down -- Old Yeller
* Soylent Green is people! -- Soylent Green
* He dumps her -- Gone With the Wind
* Life is a simulation (whoa) -- The Matrix
* Husband is in on it -- Rosemary's Baby
* She is a he -- The Crying Game
* Dave disconnects HAL -- 2001: A Space Odyssey
* Split personality -- Fight Club
* Citizens paint town red -- High Plains Drifter
* Wife's head in box -- Se7en
* Maggie shot Mr. Burns -- The Simpsons
* Mistress shot J. R. -- Dallas
* Laura Palmer's father did it -- Twin Peaks
* Double suicide -- Romeo and Juliet
* 42 -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
* Boys are rescued -- Lord of the Flies
* Whale destroys boat, lives -- Moby-Dick
* Shark destroys boat, killed -- Jaws
* He buries himself -- The Hunchback of Notre-Dame
* Gatsby is murdered -- The Great Gatsby
* A-P-P-L-E -- The Da Vinci Code
* John commits suicide -- Brave New World
* Burned books are memorized -- Fahrenheit 451
* Mark Felt is Deep Throat -- Watergate
* Greek soldiers in horse -- The Trojan War
* Samus Aran is a woman -- Metroid
* Prisoner is saved -- The Pit and the Pendulum
* She's an actress -- Lonelygirl15
* They're all in on it -- Murder on the Orient Express
* They didn't sing any of their songs--Milli Vanilli
* There is no Santa -- Christmas

Oh come on!!! Like you didn't know any of those!
Don't blame me for this list. I got it from the people at Wired Magazine...except for the Milli Vanilli tidbit. That one is mine.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Stuck in Cleveland

All I wanted was to go home. I got my shit together and headed over to the airport at 1 p.m. to catch my 4:50 flight out of Cleveland to head to NJ, where I would then catch a flight into Albany International. To my surprise this is what I see when I walk into the airport....

Yeah...the flight circled is my flight. Fuck.

But thankfully the good folks at Continental Airlines put me on another flight. Only that flight doesn't leave until 7:00 p.m. Which means I have a lot of time to kill..lot's of time. But on a good note, it's a direct flight to Albany. So to kill some time I decided to explore the airport. That took about 45 minutes. Luckily you can get free rides on the escalators.

Escalator ride. Pure joy.

It was getting close to my new departure time so I headed over to my gate to board the plane. When I get there.....

Yep...delayed. Bullshit. My 7:00 p.m. flight was now at 8:50 p.m. Now what?

Escalator ride. Pure joy.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

It'll Be Years Until I Ever Have Lasagna Again...Years.

I woke up this morning and saw this in the lobby. BMX bikes all over the place. The photo is a just a small sample of how many bikes where there because there was atleast 30 bikes in the lobby. Turns out the Mountain Dew DEW TOUR is in Cleveland this week and all of the riders are staying at same hotel I'm staying at. I rode the elevator with the tour medics. They were talking about how busy they've been. Yeah, I bet.

Today wasn't a very good day for me. As a matter of fact it was a pretty shitty day. The conference was moved to Oberlin, OH so we could tour the NACS office and warehouse. Then we were heading over to this fancy schmancy outdoors mall called Crocker Park to do a little bit of research on marketing. All was going well until we got to mall. That's when things went bad..well, not bad right away..things got bad when we walked into Pac Sun. Apparently I ate something during lunch that didn't agree with me (I think it was the lasagna....I swear, it had nothing to do with the nachos, hot dog...annnnd bratwurst from the night before) because all of a sudden I was overcome by the urge to throw up. I ran out of Pac Sun and puked all over the place. I remember the bus passing a pharmacy on the way into the mall so I thought I'd head that direction to get some Pepto or something to help calm my stomach. In my travels I managed to throw up in Barnes and Nobles, Borders, H&M, American Eagle, Dicks Sporting Goods, and in various bushes throughout the mall. I got to the pharmacy, bought a bottle of Pepto and then immediatly puked it up in the parking lot. Ever seen pink puke mixed with what I think was lasagna? I would have taken a photo if I wasn't traumatized from the fact that I was puking all over the place. Anyways I decided that it might be in my best interest if returned to my hotel room to puke some more and then relax with a little bit of HBO.

Tomorrow is the last day of the conference and then I'm heading home. Ugh...more air travel.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Cleveland Indians vs Chicago White Sox

We spent 9 hours in class today. I actually enjoyed it. I'm learning a lot of important stuff and the material is real interesting. Tomorrow we're traveling over to Oberlin, OH to check out the NACS headquarters and then do some research on mechandising and retailing.

We were going to return to the House of Blues tonight to see a band called Gogol Bordello but instead a bunch of us went to see the Cleveland Indians play against the Chicago White Sox. The game was pretty exciting and we had a lot of fun. We didn't stay for the entire game since we have another big day tomorrow but I can tell you the score is currently 5 to 5 at the top of the 11th inning. Our group left the game at the top of the 8th inning. On the way back to the hotel we ran into a guy begging for money with a cardboard box that said "Why lie - I need money for beer". I asked if I could take his photo but he said it was going to cost me 8 bucks. I figured I could write about it here for free. I ended up giving him a buck and went to my hotel room.

You really can't get seats any higher than the seats we had. Hi Gwen!!!

Go Cleveland.

Jacobs Field

Oh, by the way. The game just ended. Cleveland won at the bottom of the 11th inning.

I Put A Spell On You

Why do they always list my proper name? Why?

Part of the conference yesterday included a dinner at the House of Blues. It was alright. Sort of lame to be honest and the food was, at best, okay. It's really nothing but a huge ass tourist trap with trendy artwork all over the walls and a bunch of weird "private" party rooms to make you feel special. Of course there's a gift shop on the way out so you can buy your stupid HOB t-shirts and pint glasses. Lame.

Regardless what I's some photos from the HOB to entertain you.

Some of the artwork in the dining room. I think a 13 year old did this.

A painting of Screamin' Jay Hawkins greets you at the enterence into the main stage for The House of Blues.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Cleveland so far...

I forgot how much I don't really enjoy air travel. It's not that I'm afraid of it, I just find it exhausting. Planes are never comfortable and somehow you always end up sitting next to someone who manages to bug the shit out of you just by sitting next to you. Go figure. Oh, but it's always nice when you get a window seat.

So I'm in Cleveland and I decided to go get a slice of pizza to hold me over until dinner. I figured the best thing to do would be to ask one of the locals about where I could go for a great slice of pizza. I went down to the lobby and asked the woman at the front desk and she said there's this wonderful place around the corner that makes great pizza and great garlic bread. So I'm thinking point me in the right direction and do it PRONTO. When I asked her what it was called, she said Domino's. What? Domino's? Really? Domino's, as in the place with the little red,white and blue domino logo and cardboard crust? Really? Are you kidding? Domino's? She even asked me if I've ever heard of them because they were very famous. Famous? I thought she was kidding, but she wasn't. I mean, if you look up the word famous in the dictionary, this is what it says:

fa·mous [fey-muhs] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
1. having a widespread reputation, usually of a favorable nature; renowned; celebrated: a famous writer.
2. Informal. first-rate; excellent: The singer gave a famous performance.
3. notorious (used pejoratively).

So here you go folks, the crown jewel of Cleveland pizza.

Bastards don't even sell slices. I had to buy one of those stupid teeny tiny personal pan pizzas. Cleveland sucks.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Look at what I just found on the web!


Cleveland Bound

The bags are packed and the alarm is set for 4 a.m...yikes. I'm heading to Cleveland, OH bright and early tomorrow morning for a full week of College Bookstore Management-How To's put on by those funny kids over at NACS (National Association of College Stores). As a bonus I'll be treated to a concert by those NYC gypsy punks, Gogol Bordello (pictured below) at the House of Blues on Tuesday night. Hot stuff.

Sunday, July 01, 2007


Geddy Lee circa 1983. Nice mullet dude.

Yeah, yeah..I know. I haven't posted anything interesting in awhile or ever for that matter. But nothing really interesting has happened to me in awhile. At least nothing worth writing about. Oh, except the other day my daughter and I met Geddy Lee from Rush. Which is pretty exciting..right? Yes? No? I's Geddy Lee of Rush...and yes, he talks just like a regular guy (hello, PAVEMENT reference).

I am going to Cleveland in a couple of weeks for a college bookstore conference. Perhaps that will provide me with some good internet fodder. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures because as you would suspect, college bookstore conferences get pretty wild and a photo is worth a thousand words. At least that's what I've heard.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Archers of Loaf

Archers of Loaf were/and still are one of my favorite bands from the late 90's. The bands first studio recording titled Icky Mettle was released in 1993 on Alias Records and is one of the best records to come out of that time. Check out the video for the song "MIGHT".

Play loud and give yourself some room to dance.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Rumor mill is churning

Hey, guess who now calls Saratoga Springs, NY his new home. Yep. You guessed it...I mean you didn't actually guess it because his photo is right there on the side..I sort of gave it away. Former Phish frontman, Trey Anastasio now calls Saratoga Springs, NY home. The talented guitar noodler and occasional drug user has been seen flipping through magazines at the local Borders..and ummm..NOT putting them back in their appropriate slot. It has also been reported that he was seen buying used turntables from the local used record shop and seen getting coffee from the local independent coffee shop where my friend Charlie waited on him and said "Hey, that guy could have won a Trey Anastasio look a like contest".

This is Charlie and the girl he loves.


So what is Trey Anastasio doing in Saratoga Springs, NY? What does he want with this small "artsy" (and I'm using the term "artsy" very loosely) town? Well here are some of the rumors I've heard so far.
Here goes:

Rumor 1: Trey will be teaching a music class at Skidmore College next year.

Rumor 2: I hear he might be opening a music venue in town. Hmmmm..I don't think so but I wouldn't count it out.

Rumor 3: I heard that he's considering opening a IS possible but I seriously doubt it.

Rumor 4: I heard that he's here just because it's not Burlington, VT but it's also not some shit hole like NYC. It's possible and probably the closest to the truth.

As soon as I get something solid, I'll report it here for you.

This isn't the first time a "celebrity" has decided to call Saratoga Springs home.

For example there's Bill Parcels AKA The Tuna. Former NFL coach for teams like the NY Giants and the Dallas Cowboys. He currently has a summer home in Saratoga Springs and can be seen almost every day during the horse racing season at the Saratoga flat tracks betting on ponies and also hanging out at his favorite restaurant The Wine Bar.

There's also Saratoga Springs native, David Hyde Pierce from NBC's Frasier. He played the "flamboyantly" fun Niles Crane. David still comes home from time to time to relax and unwind with his family.

And..thats about it...unless you count this guy....

Look at that smug look on his face. Damn him and his life luxury.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Bob's Variety and Newstand

For many many years my parents owned a small newsstand in Glens Falls, NY. If you don't know, Glens Falls is a small city located about an hour north of Albany, NY. There isn't much to say about Glens Falls except it was the childhood home of WWE Wrestling superstar Jim "Hacksaw" Duggan and most recently famous Rachel Ray, though she's actually from Lake George, NY. Which is just 20 minutes north of Glens Falls. But when it comes to Upstate NY it's all pretty much the same when you get right down to it. I mean it's goddamn small. You know who I'm talking about, right? Rachel Ray? That peppy little cherub on the food network that was probably voted in high school as "Most likely to make you want to eat glass within 30 seconds of being near her".

Anyways, back to my parents store. I'm not sure what the exact year it was when they started it but I think it was somewhere around 1973. They bought the store off a friend of my fathers for a few thousand dollars. Maybe even less then that. They changed the name of the store to "Bob's Variety and Newsroom". It was my parents dream to own their own business. And like all small independent businesses it was just my parents running it. My parents would get up at 6AM and open the store at 7 AM. At the time my dad worked a second job delivering furniture during the days to help make ends meet and just in case the store didn't make it. So he'd leave the store at 7:30AM to be at his second job by 8AM. My mother, who was still very new to the country and didn't know much English, ran the store by herself with a toddler (me) running around her ankles and a newborn (my little brother) laying in a crib behind the counter. I don't have many memories of those early days. But I've seen lot's of photos and I'm sure it must have been a very scary time for my parents. My dad would run over to the store during his lunch break from the furniture delivering job to check up on my mother. He made sure she got something to eat, gave her a bathroom break and then would run back to his other job leaving my mom behind to tend to the store alone until 5Pm. Then he'd get out of work and run back to the store and worked there until 9PM, close the store and then do it all over again the next day. This happened 5 days a week. On weekends my father and my mother would run the store together all day long. They rarely had a day off and this went on for 30 years. Eventually my father was able to leave the furniture delivery business and just work at the newsstand full time. From time to time my parents would take a day off from work, but never together. One would work the entire day while the other stayed home and rested. There was even a couple of times when they took an entire week off together and they'd take my brother and I off on some half-assed vacation somewhere. My dad would arrange to have someone from his family work at the store while we were gone. My parents worked real hard on that store and it became very successful. They made a good living off of that store. I was pretty much raised there and eventually as I got older I worked there for my parents after school, on weekends and even during college. When I was real young, maybe 10 or 11, there were times when the entire family would spend the night there on a Saturday and we'd all wake up together early on Sunday morning to open the store together. My brother and I would put the Sunday papers together by stuffing the Sunday comics into the papers and then we'd walk down the street and get breakfast at this place called The Ideal Diner. That was fun time.

Eventually, after 30+ years, one location move, many deaths and my parents divorce. My little brother took over the store. Sadly he didn't run it for long. I think he had it for a couple of years until he was forced out when someone bought the building he was in and they upped the rent 3 times on him within 3 months. The guy who bought the building wanted him out. So my brother decided to just close the store. I couldn't believe it. The store was finally done. The very next day, I literally mean THE VERY NEXT DAY after the store closed, my brother was out on his motorcycle on a joy ride and the asshole got run over by a car. Talk about shitty luck. Oh don't worry, he's still alive. He's just permanently's all. Jesus.

So why all this? What's the point of this long winded entry? Well, recently the Post Star, the local paper in Glens Falls, ran a story about downtown Glens Falls and it's future. Along with the article they ran a photo of some guys taking down the sign from my dad's store and that made me feel sad. A huge part of my childhood was there and I had a lot memories there. The photo just got me thinking of things. Thats all.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Stand by your man

This has to be one of the cutest things I've ever seen on the internet.

Click here to view.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

For Gwen

Hi Gwen! Happy Easter!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Recommended Music

It was a pretty shitty week for me minus the one hour on Saturday. So there isn't much I feel like saying. But to keep things rolling I'm giving you a little list of some music I'd like to recommend to all of you. There's a good chance you've probably heard of these bands/musicians already. But if not, give them a listen.











Thursday, March 29, 2007

I Have About 50 Years Left

I went to see my doctor today.
Anyone want a hot cup of pee?

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Me and Hacksaw

Everyone has someone from their high school that "made it big" or is somewhat famous. My high school, which was Glens Falls high school located in upstate New York, can proudly say it's biggest celebrity is WWF superstar Jim "Hacksaw" Duggan. If you don't remember him, let me refresh your memory just in case the photo up top doesn't help. He was the one who'd wear the American flag over his shoulders, carry around a 2 x 4, yell "Hoooooo" from each corner of the ring and then give everyone the thumbs up followed by that weird face that reminded me of a constipated Snake Plisskin from ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK. Only Hacksaw didn't wear an eye patch...and he looks nothing like Kurt Russell. Okay, maybe he look a little like Kurt Russell...just a little. Sort of. Maybe.

I didn't know Hacksaw real well but I use to hang out with Hacksaw's nephew. We rode BMX bikes together and from time to time Hacksaw...or Jim as he liked to called when he wasn't being a WWF superstar, would show up while we were riding bikes and he'd say something like "hey boys..hows the bike riding". Then he'd charge us and put us in headlocks and then literally beat the living shit out of us. He didn't mean to beat the shit out of us. He was just having fun. But I think he'd forget that he wasn't "working" and just start shoving us around like we were trained professional wrestlers. No one ever got seriously hurt but I remember one time he knocked my Mountain Dew out of my hand and soda went into my eye. That sucked.

Before I go I'd like to mention that while I was typing this blog entry, some ass-fuck sitting next to me was playing a video game on his cell phone with the volume turned all the way up and it was driving me fucking crazy. It took everything I had to not say anything to him. I was this close (imagine my thumb and pointer finger barely touching) from pouring Mountain Dew into his eyes. Yeah, I was close.