Dousing the fire in my throat

My throat is currently getting it's ass kicked. I shall fight back with my #1 doctor recommended Chloraseptic.

Happy Birthday Kimberly

This is my little brother. Actually this is Odd Job, one of the more popular villains from the early James Bond movies. But my little brother looks a lot like Odd Job only without the hat. My brother, whose name is David celebrated a birthday yesterday on February 2. Yes. Groundhogs Day. As you would guess, when we were kids there were a lot of inappropriate and very funny "back in the burrow" jokes. So much so that even my mom would join in on the fun from time to time. I normally like to celebrate my little brothers birthday by calling him at 7AM when I know he's still sleeping to wish him happy birthday. As he does every year, he answers the phone and complains about why I call him so early. Some years I'll call and hang up when he answers and then call back in 15 minutes when I know he's fallen back to sleep. When he finally answers he's all cranky and likes to tell me how he doesn't sleep well and wishes I would call later in the afternoon..blah blah blah. It's good to know that this year he didn't disappoint me. He even got a bit mad this year. More than usual. Man, old people can't take a joke.

I usually greet him with my usual "Happy Birthday Kimberly". The name Kimberly comes from when my mom was pregnant and was 100% positive that the life inside of her was going to be a beautiful little girl. They set up the room for a girl, picked a girls name and bought all these cute little dresses for their new daughter. Just imagine their faces when their cute little girl turned out to be an ugly, yet lovable little boy. So they ditched the name Kimberly and named him David instead, they traded pretty dresses for onsies with rocket ships and lions on them and quickly made plans to raise two little boys. My parents told me this story when I was 10. Worst mistake they've ever made. I've called my brother Kimberly ever since. And as you would guess there were plenty of fist fights over the fact that I would call him Kimberly.

Happy birthday little bro. Thanks for the 6 extra weeks of winter. Now would you please remove your head from moms crotch.

Waiting for my meatball to come back to me

I was singing the song ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI to my daughter today and after singing the song for the 200th time in a row to her, I realized that the first two verses of the song are a metaphor for divorce.

On top of spaghetti

All covered with cheese

I lost my poor meatball

When somebody sneezed

It rolled off the table

And on to the floor

And then my poor meatball

Rolled out the front door

Not to get too personal, but that somebody who sneezed was me and I'm still hoping my meatball will come back to my spaghetti all covered with cheese.

Chocolate Chip Cookies and Santa Claus

I showed up at work today and found a big ass plate of chocolate chip cookies on the break room table. They looked like your standard chocolate chip cookie except for one cookie........

This cookie!!!! Look at it!!!!

I considered putting it on Ebay but instead threw it in my mouth and ate it.

I overheard someone the other day say "Santa Claus is the most annoying person I know". I mean...how is he annoying? He's a dude who's primary job is to spread joy and happiness throughout the world. What's annoying about that? Yeah, his laugh can get under your skin a bit. But really? Annoying? I told the guy that I disagreed. He responded by telling me to mind my own business. I responded with "when it comes to Santa Claus, it's my bizz". The guy and his friend immediately walked away from me.

Dan...if you are reading this...when the fuck are we going to hang out?

A rare public political stance by yours truly...

Way to fuck shit up NBC. There's no fucking way I'm staying up past 11PM to watch Jimmy Fallon or Carson Daly.

Dryer rehearsal

My old band DRYER is getting back together after an 8 year hiatus for a show in March. It was pretty rough at first but I was pretty surprised to see how quickly the songs came back to us. The great thing was it was a lot fun to play with them again. And I missed that.

We've been rehearsing at Wilson Chapel which is located on campus at job #1. Here are some photos from rehearsal. Don't worry. We won't make you sing along.

Everyone on this side say "hey ho"

I heard a live version of Girls On Film by Duran Duran at work today. At one point lead singer, Simon LeBond asks the crowd to sing along and demands that only one side of the crowd sings. He then makes the other side sing and insists they sing louder. About midway through this I realized that I really fucking hate this when bands/performers ask you to do this bullshit. Just sing the fucking song. Right? I paid hard earned money to see you sing. I didn't pay to hear the people around me sing. Making me or the people around me sing is like making me work at your concert, and that's bullshit. I just want to stand there with my beverage in one hand, a lighter in my other hand so I can hold it above my head once and awhile and then tap my toes to the beat of the song. Maybe even dance a little bit. If I'm singing, I can't do all that shit. Especially if I'm holding a beverage. Don't make me fucking sing along. I don't want to sing along. I just want to go to the goddamn concert and hear you play the goddamn songs that you and your goddamn band wrote. How hard is that? Not that hard dude. Not that fucking hard. Next band/musician that asks me to sing along is going to get an ass kicking. Mark my words.