Monday, September 21, 2009

My Jewish apology


Okay. So an apology is due for using the word jewbag in my last blog post. I had no idea it was so offensive. I was actually pretty surprised at the massive response I received for my use of the word jewbag. And when I say massive I actually mean two comments on the blog and four emails. Three of those emails came from the same friend (who is Jewish) calling me a Chinese retard and reminding me that I suck at video games. First off...I'm not Chinese and I'm not retarded. As for video games...yeah, I suck at those. The other email was from someone telling me my blog was lame. Oy vey.

So anyways. I'd like to take this moment to publicly apologize to the Jewish community and my readers for the use of the word jewbag.

While I am at it...here are some other long overdue apologies to other Jewish folks.

To the Jewish girl I dated back in HS - I'm sorry about getting you totally drunk on whiskey and then laughing when you puked it up along with the half a pound of M&M's.

To my Jewish ex girlfriends dad - I'm sorry I spilled yellow paint all over the roof and hood of your brand new red truck. Though technically I don't owe you an apology because I paid for the damages by working for you for an entire summer.

To the Jewish girl who was the cousin of my Jewish friend back in 5th grade - I'm sorry we put a dead squirrel in your pocketbook. We thought it would be funny...which it was...to us.

To the Jewish parents of my Jewish friend back in 5th grade - I'm sorry I thew up half a container of Oreo cookies in your kitchen and then cried in the middle of the night because I was ashamed I ate half a box of cookies.

To my Jewish friend from middle school - I'm sorry for all the times we played spin the bottle and I would try to will the bottle to go past me so I wouldn't have to kiss you. Your breath smelled like tuna fish.

To my moms Jewish friend - I'm sorry I yelled at you when you walked in on me while I was pooping. It was my fault. I should have locked the door. Plus it was extra embarrassing because I was reading AARP Magazine.

I think that about covers it. I hope the Jewish community has it in their heart to forgive me. Now lets bust out the white fish salad and all hug.

11 comments:

Jason said...

What if I'm mad about the fact that you apologized? Did you ever think of that?

Dan said...

I can't believe you brought that disgustingly cute cat into this! I can't help but forgive you, now.

~A Jew.

Daniel B. said...

You picked the right week to apologize. Between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur.

Not only are we expected to apologize this week for all our misdeeds, we are expected the accept the apologies of those who have wronged us.

It's a long way of saying, apology accepted.

I'd rather get creamed herring than whitefish. But chopped liver trumps them all.

whoserisa said...

i, personally, was amused by jewbag. then again, i don't take judaism or insults ending in the word "bag" seriously. so there's that.

whoserisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jeff said...

Jewbag isn't offensive. unless you're a retard.

Anonymous said...

Your attempt to overly apologize and hide behind your perceived humor by using such an offensive word serves only to further highlight and exacerbate the fact that you have no real regard for the offensiveness of your actions.

Shatzin said...

Anonymous 12:20 is apparently a jewbag.

Joce said...

while driving through the hasidic section of brooklyn my mom said, "what are all these jewballs doing walking around here?". so, maybe that will make your use of jewbag seem less offensive.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to know who wrote the post that was deleted. Probably Bobby Flay.

Teva said...

No need to worry any more about who the lurker is about your jewbag comment. I, unfortunately stumbled back across your blog and saw that post.