But can we focus on me for just a few seconds?
These headphones that came packaged with my trendy little mobile device keep falling out of my ears and I have to practically shove them into my ear holes to make them stay in. I mean how hard is it to make a decent pair of headphones? It's a total inconvenience and I'm tired of it. I just want headphones I can wear without always having to continually fix them. Look. Normally I'd go out and buy a new pair on my own. But good headphones are expensive, at least the real good ones are, and I can't afford them. And I want good headphones. So here's what I'm gonna ask from all of you, my loyal readers. All 10 of you. This includes the lurker who hates me for the jewbag comment. I'm gonna be a real selfish dick right now and I'm going it insist that my readers buy me good headphones. Yeah. I said it. Buy me the fucking headphones. And don't be cheap like my asshole brother. Spend a lot of money on my new headphones. But here's the thing. The money you'd spend on the GOOD headphones. I want you to instead donate to those starving people, the homeless and for fucks-sake would someone adopt a mother fucking puppy or kitten!!!!
By the way. If you lick your shitty headphones before popping them in your ear. They stay. It's amazing what you can learn on the internet. Did you know that women don't fart? That's what the internet told me.