The not so good looking waiter

I have two jobs. Job #1 at Skidmore College and job #2 as a server at a restaurant in downtown Saratoga. This story is about job #2.

So me and this other dude named Alex (who happens to be an awesome dude) were the closing servers last night. Alex had a table full of obnoxious idiots who were doodling on paper while they drank their semi-expensive wine, being loud and disruptive to the entire bar. They hung out for about an hour and then left leaving their doodles on the table knowing we'd look at them. One of them was titled "the not so good looking waiter - NOT ALEX". Ouch!! Hey, I know I'm not a good looking guy. It's okay. I've looked at this face every morning for years. Trust me. I know I'm not good looking but you don't have to tell me. So what did I do to you guys to provoke you guys to so mean? I wasn't even your waiter. I didn't even go near your table. Basically you were being mean JUST to be mean. So since we're gonna go down this road of being mean I have a couple of remarks about all of you. Hey..you guys opened up this can of worms, not me. I know no one from that table will read this..but it'll make me feel a tidbit better by getting this off of my chest.

edited on 7/6/09
Yeah..so I edited this part a bit. Because even though they were being mean to me..it doesn't mean I have to SCORCHING mean to them. So I scaled it back a bit.

To the lady in the turquoise dress:

That dress you wore was either too small or you were too fat for it.

To the lady in the white dress:

Your ankles were bigger than your head.

To the gent:

Triple chins are hot. No. Really.

What people don't seem to understand is that we're only there to help you. To serve you. To make your dining experience enjoyable. I'm not there to win a beauty contest. I'm there to make a some extra money by making sure your evening goes well. Just because you are tipping us at the end of your dining experience doesn't mean you can be shitty to me or any other server. And it definitely doesn't mean you can leave a note at your table telling me that I'm "not so good looking".

To make myself feel better I tried to coax my daughter into telling me that I was handsome. She refused and instead told me I looked like a monkey and then laughed.

I sure do love that kid.